Your firsts can be one of your most vivid memories. We made some of your favourites take a trip down their memory lane to find theirs out
Remember the first time you asked a woman out? It must have been a nerve-wracking experience. The time you were trolled online? Or, the first time you were lost, had no sense of direction where your career was going when you were unemployed? While some have great stories behind these memories, for some it has been a learning experience. We spoke to some of your favourites to find their firsts out.
First time I asked a woman out From thinking he was socially inept to having a girlfriend, to managing to publicly ask one out, author Durjoy Datta gave the nation #relationshipgoals
"It was 2006 and I was writing my first book. The book was supposed to be a love story but I had always been way too socially inept to have a girlfriend. It was then, when I was looking for inspiration for how the girl in the book should look like, that I stumbled on Avantika’s Orkut profile. I thought she was beautiful. I wrote the first book with her image in mind and even ended up using her first name. In time, she deleted her profile and I deleted mine. We never talked.
Years later, I found her on Facebook. She was the first one to message. She had read one of my books, she said. Of course, I didn’t tell her I modelled my character on how she looked because that would be f***ing creepy. More conversations ensued and we decided to meet. The first thing she said to me was, ‘I have been dating you for three years in my head. I always think you write about me because it’s my name.’ And that’s when I broke it to her. Avantika in the books was her. We dated, and we decided to get married. It wasn’t a knee-jerk decision. The list of reasons why she was ‘the one’ kept growing with every day I spent with her.
...I think, I ended up giving her at least one reason of why I was her The One."
I didn’t propose to her for the longest time. It was only a week before our wedding that I decided to do something sweet for her. It was minutes before she got on to a flight and I thought of putting up a post on Instagram asking her out but then, I said, fine, why not Twitter and Facebook too. I asked everyone on Twitter to help me to get her to say a yes with #marrymeavantika while I’d stand with a placard at the airport reading ‘the love of my life’. She was over the top and she has a story she tells everyone to, over and over again. And I think, I ended up giving her at least one reason of why I was her The One."
Time I was unemployed Toronto-based Indian pop artist Maria Qamar found new inspiration and realised her love for art by making Lichtenstein-style desi aunties giving social commentaries
"I got into advertising while I was researching for careers which balanced both business and the arts. The most frustrating part about the work environment was the lack of recognition creatives received for the ideas that eventually became campaigns. I was working on a large beer brand which marketed primarily to cis white males. It was a lot of fun, but it just wasn't my scene. I was laid off and in my free time searching LinkedIn for jobs, it only made me realise the love I had for my art.
Hatecopy, thus began on Instagram out of boredom. The idea of a dramatic aunty was always something I found funny because I saw some of them use the same dialogue used in TV soaps or pick up those habits. Things like always having talks about marriage from an early age but never being allowed to hang around boys, wearing a saree to prom, etc were little things I found infuriating growing up. Now, they're just hilarious. My work got a lot more recognition and respect than anything I had ever produced working within a corporate hierarchy. It was honestly the best decision I've made in my life thus far.
...Unemployment has a bad reputation in our culture; it's often looked upon as something we should be ashamed of."
Growing up in a fairly strict desi household, I was initially very hesitant to report back about the status of my employment. My parents were initially a little worried about my decision, but I tried not to give too much information so I could avoid the drama! They just had to be aware that I was doing well, despite not working at an office desk from 9-to-5. I've had a ton of people warn me about how a career in arts wasn’t stable. However, if you are determined to succeed, you will never regret letting go off a career you hate. Unemployment has a bad reputation in our culture; it's often looked upon as something we should be ashamed of. While in reality, it can be just the thing that helps you to realise your true potential and give you the courage you need to do what you want to do.
Time I wrote a book Author Amish Tripathi remained unfazed despite facing rejection and went on to publish one of the most widely-known books
"It took me around five to six years to write my first book, Immortals of Meluha. I was still working in a bank when I was writing it. So I’d write on my way to work at the backseat of my car while waiting in the traffic and on weekends. It was the first time I was attempting to write any piece of literature or doing something creative. I had made an excel sheet with all the characters and their descriptions. But somehow, it wasn’t working out.
I was facing a writer’s block and how to go about the story even though I had my characters and idea in place. That’s when my wife told me to not approach a book like an MBA project. She told me that there was already a parallel universe where my characters existed and I just had to document the happenings. Suddenly, words started to flow. Once the book was complete, I sent it around to various publishers and every publisher it was sent to rejected the book. A publisher told me that my book had alienated every possible reader segment and it would be a guaranteed failure. I stopped counting after 20 rejections, but there were many.
One publisher had decided to publish my book only if I was willing to remove the gyaan sessions in every chapter. I decided not to change anything in the book. Because I had a job that paid my bills, I didn’t have to compromise on my writing.
...A publisher told me that my book had alienated every possible reader segment and it would be a guaranteed failure. I stopped counting after 20 rejections...."
I was firm that if nobody backed me, then to hell with them, I’ll back myself. I did feel bad when my manuscript was rejected but it never got to the point that my confidence was shaken and I wanted to stop writing. I finally self-published the book. We sent out the first chapter for free, and slowly, readers started coming back to read the whole book and it became popular. I resigned my job to write full-time only when my royalty cheque had become bigger than my paycheque."
Time I was bullied Chef Vikas Khanna found courage and soared high when nobody thought he could run
"When I entered my class for the first time, the kids had a strange look on their face when they looked at me. I had club foot. Because of the whole Bollywoodisation that people who have deformed legs are called tedhe pair wale bhoot, my classmates called me a ghost. I sat on the last bench. They started asking questions and told me I’d never be able to walk properly in my life. I told them that my mother says one day I’ll run faster than them and fly as well. I didn’t have a single friend. Some of them would try to be good, show sympathy and be friends with me. But within a few hours, they’d become a part of the group that would laugh at me.
I decided to even use the school washroom only once since my shoes were 4kg heavy and there would be so much noise when I’d walk that I’d receive all the unwanted attention. Because I was underweight, my classmates wrote my name on the skeleton in biology class. I started finding excuses to not go to school from that day on. Soon, it made me stronger and indifferent to things that people said. Because there was so much movement in the kitchen at home, I started sitting there all day long and it became my hiding space.
...Because I was underweight, my classmates wrote my name on the skeleton in biology class..."
I realised that I had to decide how I had to be happy and food was what kept me going. I could cook at an early age and those kids couldn’t. When I cooked I felt it made me equal to everyone. Even though out of sympathy or pain, I was always taken care of and loved in the family. Love overwrites everything, even the deepest scars. My determination came from someone else’s strength. I wouldn’t have been able to pass through this had it not been my family behind me to tell me that they’re there for me no matter what."
Time I was trolled online Singer Sona Mohapatra doesn’t fear speaking her mind, and the flak has only made her put her point across stronger
"I generally post my thoughts on my page as a reaction to my socio-political environment, as a means of social commentary, to provoke a conversation, debate and to affect social change. Although the first time the media blew it up was when it involved my reaction to a particular RJ vehemently supporting a ‘serial-offender’ film star for passing a very irresponsible comment on ‘raped women’ in a public forum, no less.
But the very first time that I was harassed online and viciously so, was actually on September 14, 2010. I remember the date clearly because it was the date France banned the wearing of the burqa, covering your face in public. I had just returned from having performed a public concert in Jodhpur, where I noticed the ghoonghat (albeit a colourful one) that covers the average Rajasthani woman too. The elite in the audience of my concert had been offended that I had sung songs of Meera, while wearing an ‘immodest’ sleeveless top. All this had gotten me thinking about how the veil over centuries was a means to condition women into feeling vulnerable and inferior, and creating the divide of ‘virtuous women’ versus ‘whores’.
...they would pull out my intestines if I ever came to their town, etc. This continued for over 10 days..."
I chose this date to express my opinion on this issue on my Facebook page. All hell broke loose within a few minutes with many men and women calling me, amongst other things, a sl*t who liked to dance around naked, threatening ugly things like how they would pull out my intestines if I ever came to their town, etc. This continued for over 10 days. While all this negativity does fray your nerves, it also teaches you to strengthen up and consistently stand for what you hold dear to your heart— change that would stem from freedom, fairness, justice and equality for all."
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